Courtesy of Wikipedia - my picture was of the camel's rear-end
Sometimes I wonder if my husband and daughter do things on purpose to foster my delusion that they cannot function without me or if it really does come naturally to them. I’m 600 miles away on a week long business trip last week and I see an email from my daughter’s cheerleading coach. It reads “There have been a few changes to our plans for Sunday’s Parade.” Hmm, changes? plans?? So there was a plan before today? This is the first I’ve heard of this plan and today is FRIDAY!
It turns out that the Cheerleading Squad was to ride on the Chamber of Commerce’s float in the annual Christmas Parade on Sunday. Oh good – because after a full week out of town I needed something to do with my Sunday afternoon. Lying around napping on the couch is overrated anyway. But it’s a Christmas Parade after all. It will be fun right? Have you BEEN to a small town Christmas parade?
First, you have to understand that in a small town if you have a convertible, a golf cart or a tractor you can and evidently should, be in the parade. If you are “Miss” anything you should also be in the parade. So you will see a 1995 Blue Mustang convertible with Miss Teen Terminx 2011 sitting on top waiving with a magnet on the side of the car advertising the local shoe repair shop. It’s best if you can attach tinsel to your golf cart, tractor or convertible or maybe some garland because that makes it more festive.
There are a few floats in the parade – as I mentioned my daughter was riding on one. They were performing cheers and throwing candy although they looked as if they were throwing shoes at rabid dogs rather than tossing Tootsie rolls to antsy toddlers. I think some of the cheerleaders should go out for softball. Anyway, there was one very disturbing float with a handful of women my age in sweats dancing the same exact dance the entire student body of my high school did at the prom. I said to my husband, “What the hell is that?” As the float went by I finally saw the sign on the back for the locally offered Zumba classes. I don’t know how many free classes those women got for agreeing to do that in public on a float in a small town Christmas Parade but it cannot possibly be enough.
Duck and cover - Tootsie Rolls Incoming!
Another interesting float was the Good Aim Baptist Church Nativity Scene. I am not making up the name of that church, I so wish I was. Joseph was dangling baby Jesus precariously over the edge of the float much to the annoyance of Little Mary. I’m not positive, but I think further down in the procession, once Mary got Baby Jesus back in her hands, she beat Joseph with him. Following behind them was a camel and a donkey. I feel it prudent to point out there were no wise men in connection with this float. If there had been wise men, they would have changed the name of that church!
If you count all the time we spent dropping Tink off at her designated location, finding a parking space, waiting for the parade to start, waiting for it to be over and returning home, we spent about three and a half hours doing “parade activities”. That’s a lot of time spent to see a camel, a donkey and a few golf carts!
Ramblings of an Angry Middle Age Woman 
Those small town parades and festivals are pretty cool actually. I mean, where else on earth can you see what you described? Where else can you go and get that kind of culture? We all come from strange little places and we all partake in crazy customs and events. Thanks for the morning humor!
I appreciate you being generous and calling it culture. It was definitely an experience! I forgot to mention the clowns and the Shriners riding in circles in their tiny cars. That’s a small town tradition as well. 🙂
brilliant! loved this post. It made me want to pack my bags and fly to “Small Town USA” for the festivities.
I laughed out loud.
Such a fun and relaxing day for you after your week away. at least you got a great blog post out of it. lol
Luckily my husband cooked breakfast, lunch and dinner that day. Actually he’s been cooking a lot lately and it’s inspired another post that will be published soon. Life is so entertaining if you just look around.
Reminds me of the 4th of July parade at a small NJ town I lived in. People put out lawn chairs in the morning to save the best spots and brought tail gating stuff. The parade took 20 minutes but the camaraderie with neighbors took all day.
You are exactly right! This was an all-day affair for most of these folks lining the street. The parade was 4 golf carts, 5 tractors, 3 convertibles and 1 Zumba float longer than it needed to be.
We just moved away from a small town, but not before the annual “parade” down Highway 50. Tony was surprised I didn’t want to get out of bed on Saturday morning to watch dumptrucks full of high school students pulling “floats” which were clearly constructed by inebriated teenagers (except the freshman float – that one just looks like it was constructed by freshmen) one LAST time. This posts explains why I chose to stay in bed although I may have gone if there were Zumba dancers.
I just can’t imagine any women I know who are my age saying, “You know what Bubba? I’m so excited to be dancing on this year’s Zumba float!” Nope – just cannot get my head around that one! I think we only saw 5 floats and other than Good Aim’s Nativity Scene, they all looked pretty rough.
I love small town parades and will drive miles to see one. I love the shinny tractors and the weaving Shriners. I love the crepe-papered trucks advertising Billy Bob’s Used Cars and Mike’s Plumbing and Septic Tank Repair. I love the cheerleaders on the flat-beds with hay. I love the Queen and her court. I love the veterans with their uniforms and medals. I marched in those parades when I was a cub scout and boy scout and little leaguer. I was proud to be in a uniform and to carry a flag and to see the looks on the faces of the small kids that sat on the curbs. My daughter rode floats made by the dance studio where she took ballet and I loved seeing that precious little girl waving to the crowd and throwing candy. Sure, it’s not sophisticated and it’s hokey, but it’s what small towns have available to them and they make the most of it. So, in the spirit of the season, I say, “God bless them everyone.”
Ah darnit! Now you’ve gone and showcased my Scrooge side! I admit I was proud of the WWII Vets that drove by. They deserve all the limelight they can handle.
Our area just had the lighted Christmas parade which we go to after the Chili Supper at the church which is on the parade route. So I get to see kids I know in a parade and someone else cooks supper for me. Winning!
Just discovered your blog today and I plan to come back.
Thank you for the kind words and I’m glad you stopped by. All small town parades aren’t bad but I was in no mood for this one. But, it was probably more entertaining than the back to back re-runs of Man vs Food which is what I would have been watching if I wasn’t napping.
This is a great post – very funny. But, really, I need to hear the story behind a church named Good Aim Baptist. And please tell me there is or there was a Bad Aim Baptist.
Believe me when I say I have searched for information about “Good Aim Baptist Church” and although I have found their address, they must be too busy aiming to create a website. I did wonder if they were “Good Aim” because there had been a “Bad Aim” but that one is probably just called First Baptist. Every other church in my hometown was called “First Baptist”.
This is brilliant and enhanced by your wicked humor. I wish you would have let me know. I’d have grabbed my Go-To-Meetings tiara and jumped on a go cart or the back of a bike. Who wants to miss a good parade of tootsie rolls and wiggling women?
You may think your outfit would make you stand out but I promise you would have fit right in! I’ll give you a head’s up next year.
[…] you remember my post from a week or so ago: ”A Camel, A Donkey and Golf Cart“? It was about a local Christmas Parade and I mentioned a nativity scene in it. Ok so the […]