The Devil Made Me Do It

The Devil Made Me Do It (by

Have you ever done something you knew you shouldn’t do?  Something that before you even got started, you knew was wrong.  But that little devil with the pitchfork on your left shoulder won over the haloed angel on your right?  So you did it anyway and then said to yourself, “I shouldn’t have done that.”

Seriously, NOW you change?? (image via

Traffic was horrible the other afternoon and the particular red light at which I was stopped was taking forever to change to green.  A notification that I have two voicemails has been displayed on my cell phone for 5 days.  One of the voicemails was left by someone who I tried to avoid, but after they called my office, my cell, and my office again I reluctantly accepted the call at 4:59 pm on a Friday.  It turned into a 10-minute conversation about the fact that the gentleman was going to send me an email.  He could have sent it, I could have read it, and we all could have started our weekend on time if he’d just sent the damn email instead of calling to talk about it first!

Anyway, back to the red-light, I want this notification off my phone and all I have to do is listen to the voicemails.  I shouldn’t be on my cell phone in traffic, but I’m at the red light sitting still.  What’s the harm?  So I pull up the voicemail and it begins to play “Hi Angry, I just wanted to let you know that I was about to send you an email but I wanted to give you a —”  Then I begin to hear ringing as if I’ve called someone.  I glance at my phone but at that moment the light turns green and traffic begins to move.  Oh crap!  I’m taking an on-ramp onto the highway – I can’t be looking at my phone!  But I remember that when you are listening to a voicemail there’s a BIG button that when pressed CALLS BACK THE PERSON WHO LEFT THE MESSAGE!!!!!  Crap, CRAP, CRAAAPPPPP!!!!!

What the !@#$ is that???

I’m still navigating my way through the traffic blindly jabbing at the phone trying to end the call and then I hear Matt pick up, “Hello?” pause “Hello???”  I’m still trying to merge into traffic.  I risk hundreds of lives and glance at my phone only to discover it’s on a screen I’ve never seen before and I have no idea how to hang up.  Oh dear Lord in Heaven it has finally happened.  I have finally aged to the point that I’ve become technologically inept.  I have become my mother-in-law!

Now a reasonable person would just say, “Oh hi Matt, it’s me, Angry, I called you by mistake.  Sorry about that.”  But no one has accused me of being a reasonable person in a long, long time.  What if he wanted to discuss more upcoming emails???  Oh for the love of Pete!  So I did what any semi-reasonable person would do.  I stayed very, very quiet . . . until he gave up and hung up.

I’m sure he has caller ID and knows it was me, but somehow having him think that I butt-dialed him unknowingly makes me feel better.  That right there is probably a sign that I need stronger meds.  <Sigh>  Anyway, next time I’m listening to the guy with the halo on the right.  At least chances are I’ll look less like an idiot!

My Favorite Pet Peeves

Everyone has a few things that bother them.  While most folks are taking time to be thankful and forgiving, I thought I’d go straight in the opposite direction.  Following is a list of things that irritate me like fingernails on a blackboard:

  • Fingernails on a blackboard
  • People in the passing lane that drive slower than people in the right lane
  • Traffic in general
  • The McRib

    Not so much the McRib though . . .

  • Rude Customer Service Representatives – I mean really – isn’t that an oxymoron?
  • Parking meters
  • Driving in downtown, anywhere downtown, traffic.  What’s with all the one-way streets??
  • People with the “My Kid’s on the Honor Roll” bumper stickers.  Really?  Well my kid got a C in Algebra by 1 point so lay off already will ya?  (Except for that year my kid WAS on the Honor Roll then of course I proudly displayed my bumper sticker and curiously those people didn’t irritate me nearly so much)
  • Having the sniffles
  • Weathermen who predict snow and then talk about it for a week and it never happens.
  • Miranda Lambert

Give me fingernails on a blackboard instead . . . please!

  • Showers in hotels that when you adjust a millimeter to the left get ice-cold and adjust a millimeter to the right get boiling hot.
  • Airport Security – I know it’s necessary and I don’t fight it but I don’t have to like it so I don’t!
  • When your favorite pair of socks get a hole in the heel and you have to throw them away because you’re the Mom and that’s what you tell everyone else in the house they have to do.
  • Running out of wine
  • Running out of vodka
  • Running out of rum . . . wait this is taking a wrong turn
  • Running out of milk

A glass of milk

  • When you’ve been waiting in line for 15 minutes and just as it’s your turn a new register opens.
  • Vegans – they make me feel so damn guilty!
  • Kelly Rippa
  • Writer’s Block
  • Twilight Haters – you don’t have to read the books and you don’t have to watch the movies, but let me enjoy my werewolves and vampires ok?
  • Chain Letters – which have now turned into Facebook posts about fighting cancer or hunger or being kind to animals and if you don’t copy and post to your status for 1 hour you are the root of all evil.
  • People who serve real cranberries for Thanksgiving.  I want the slippery, slimy sauce out of the can like Mom used to make.
  • Anything, or anyone, that happens before my first cup of coffee.
  • Finally, and most importantly:  Crabby critical people who like to make lists of things that bug them.  Hmm . . . wait a minute . . .